Locanda Locatelli

Sometimes I go to restaurants with really high expectations. Maybe too high. I see a chef on TV a few times, I love their style, their understanding of taste…demonstrating to millions of viewers confidence and mastery of their little busy world. Then I go to their little busy empire, and I am dumbfounded when my mouth tastes what I saw. And my mouth gets a bit sad, feels a bit fooled, and utterly disappointed.

I don’t want to write this, I thought actually about just not writing it at all, as I do really hate to squash something that perhaps was just a one off bad experience… such as some dishes just aren’t as delicious as others, or the acting chef is having a bad day? But here I am, writing this review anyway, and I feel a little sad about it.

I really like Giorgio Locatelli and his restaurant has been around since 2002. He has obviously been putting out some great food for quite some time. That’s why I hope this was just one those nights when nothing seems to go right, and we all have those. But when I write these reviews, I make a promise to myself that I am always brutally honest.

The room is very beautiful, very Milanese, northern Italian…minimal clean design, big cozy banquettes. It makes you feel posh and looked after all at once. When you arrive you are given extremely tall skinny spokes of parmesan breadsticks at your table (ours were actually very stale…and this seemed somehow dated) and a huge basket of bread, including some incredibly good foccaccia. I was starting to feel excited. Then I dipped my oily crust into some tasteless olive oil…wait a second…isn’t he Italian? Isn’t that the one thing Italians know best is olive oil? I dismissed it, forgiving such a trivial little detail. Our server was extremely friendly. I don’t usually comment about the friendliness of the waiter, but he was like a newborn puppy. Our sommelier was shockingly even friendlier, and suggested to us a delicious bottle of Michet 2011 Nebbiolo, which was a steal for the price, and perfectly what we had described. So a lot of points for that, yes. And for the foccacia, of course.

I decided on the Puntarelle, as it is very hard to find in London, originating from Rome and almost always never found outside Rome either, although I have eaten a very delicious version at Bocca Di Lupo in Soho. First of all, the taste was very weak. As if there were no anchovies used? The portion was a handful as well…which is fine, I don’t need much but..I guess one could look at it like an elegant tasting of what a puntarelle salad could be? He also oddly placed a bunch of cherry tomatoes with it. Doesn’t work and have not seen it before – not in a Roman restaurant, not at my X’s father’s Roman table, and now I know why. I was a little crest fallen honestly, I love this little salad. How could it go so wrong?

My date had the Autumn Salad which was colourful, simple, elegant…but I could find this anywhere. It just seemed really boring frankly. I am ok with admitting I love salads, I eat them all time, and they don’t have to be boring. They can be just as edgy and flavorsome as a rich meaty dish. So I get a little offended when I taste these weak tired salads that suggest to people who order them that food is supposed to be boring if you don’t want to eat my pasta. It was certainly beautiful produce and arranged nicely in the bowl…but for the specialness of this restaurant, I just expect more action and excitement.

We also ordered the Mackerel, which is always one of my favorite dishes. The fish arrived in a couple fillets, and was literally…soggy. The skin was actually slippery and mushy. Such a sad thing to waste on a mackerel as it really is the king of crispy skin. It seemed as if it had been left out in the rain.

We also had the roasted monkfish, served with a walnut caper sauce and samphire. Simple and clean, but just a little too clean. Tired of clean after all the prior clean and all old clean, not new exciting clean (see Eelbrook review?) The fish was so soft in flavor I felt as if I were at a bad wedding dinner. It was truly under seasoned and just lacked life. I felt like yawning.

My macchiato was good. Very good.

Look, I think we just had a miss. I’d love to go back. There is an extensive menu and these were just four small tastings. I want to like it in there, I want to it to be what I know it can…